Happy New Year

To my five readers, I truly hope that you had a Merry and blessed Christmas and my sincerest wishes for a Happy New Year. I am going to blog in full force in 2011, at least 2-3 posts per week on a lot of topics which have been percolating in my mind.  I thank you for your support, look forward to your feedback and hope you will share our world with your friends. I hope in some way, shape or form what is said here blesses, enlightens, or at least entertains you!

God bless
Jonathan

Jamison and Facebook--a Year's Worth of Status Updates: The remainder

June

- Yawn.....Jamison woke up to tell me two things: 1) this game is boring and 2) Kobe is a bama. Even a lil youngin' knows that

- Changing a diaper and dressing a baby qualifies as an Olympic sport..its a little shotput (the diaper into the trash), some curling (sweeping up poop in a messy moment), 100 yard dash, synchronized swimming and definitely a lot of greco-roman wrestling. Gold medal for daddy!

- A clutch moment tonight. 54 seconds left, down by 1. Small but intense crowd sitting on the edge of their seats. Even the little kids all high on sugar ceased their frolicking for a brief moment. Brother Jamison drooling as he watches, quietly debating his next step (choices: poop or sleep). Ryann steps to the free throw line, banks in the first for the tie & calmly swishes the final shot. Sharks win! Sharks win!

-Took Jamison to the bank with me to pay the mortgage. He smiled, I cried. Oh to be a baby once again.

- Chuck Norris' coolness is off the charts. Jamison can't even nap because he's glued to the TV. And he's taking notes. Chuck Norris doesn't kiss babies, he turns them into men. Go Chuck!

- An NBA Finals inspired post. Jamison is the most interesting baby in the world. He spells Kobe B-A-M-A. His gurgling noises topped ITunes sales charts. Ron Artest told his psychiatrist that the ink spots look like Jamison's poop. Big Baby is fat. Jamison is athletically plump. Phil Jackson has 11 rings. Jamison has 12 fingers. Kobe's middle name is bean. Jamison eats beans for lunch.

July

- I swear Jamison was just humming that old song from Rocky "Eye of the Tiger." I hope he does have the eye of the Tiger cuz sometimes daddy has the eye of the Sloth. Gotta get to work.

-  A Moment in the life of a dad: Episode 1. Was recently introduced to this kids show called "Hip Hop Harry." He's a large bear, who sports a kangol and a medallion (think Flava Flav but its not a clock, its an H). He raps to virtually everything and does not have the flow of the BP well, he's pretty bad. As Jamison and I watched it, I had flashbacks to "Ice Ice Baby"......I cried. Jamison laughed. I looked at him and he said "Word to your mutha".....and I'm out.

August

- Breaking news...Jamison just had his first experience with Pork. Moment of silence--these "first" can be so emotionally overwhelming. First chicken, now pork.....the little guy will be at Golden Corral before I know it!

- church was lovely. I think Jamison caught the spirit today during a song..(Nikki was rocking "Great is Thy Faithfulness")..he started kicking and moving around and I swear he said "hallelujah"

- Little Jamison definitely has my heart, but now he's inside my soul. Yesterday, the little guy tried chicken--and he liked it (granted, he likes EVERYTHING!) but he just proved that he is a chip off the old rooster. My heart tingles with joy knowing that he and I can enjoy the delights of chicken in the future. Meet us at Chic-Fil-A....its going down!

September

-  Jamison is the coolest kid ever. Where's he get it from he gets it from his mama.

-The little guy--Jamison--is 9 months old today......seems like yesterday. Next thing I know he'll be wearing skinny jeans, walking around the mall texting folk and asking for money....how do we slow down time?

October

- Jamison on the drums! I got misty eyed thinking about him playing drums in a go-go band...its every fathers dream. He's gonna need a cool name like Nucky or Neck bone or maybe Sticky Fingers....but he's got the talent.

November

Jamison called me a cotton-headed ninny muggin. I told him that he sits on a throne of lies. Not sure what concerns me most about him--the fact that he likes older women or that he has the vocabulary of a 32 year old Elf at age 11 1/2 months! We are in trouble

- Jamison is gumming the heck oit of this apple.....this boy loves to eat

- Up bright and early...been up!...with the little guy. We gotta work on this desire to play before say, noon. But what never ceases to amaze me, no matter when he awakes, he is always happy and ready to enjoy his day.

- Really cool taking my children with me to vote....Jamison crawled around on the floor and tried to find a baby girl to kiss...he saw a youngin' with an Ehrlich sticker and he crawled away. Even he understood that we can't go back!

- Jamison kissed a girl and he liked it! So, Adrienne just told me that Jamison crawled up to a baby girl at story time at the library and then planted a kiss on her. And it was a sista too...so now Adrienne thinks Jamison likes "chocolate" women. And he was staring at the grandma like "what, I like you too. "Who knew the lil guy was a casanova!!!

Jamison and Facebook--a Year's Worth of Status Updates: the next 4 months

February

- Jamison attended his first Maryland men's Bball game today. He slept most of the game, in spite of the loud, cussing old men next to us, the band 40 feet away and all in all, a loud crowd. He woke up after the game winning shot (good job Cliff!). It was a lovely day for the family. Now time for sleep

-

- Watching the Winter Olympics with Jamison,,,its our first Olympic experience. Too bad he'll be asleep in about 12 minutes. Wait, he's already asleep! Let me say that he is a super baby...he's starting to smile a lot, in fact earlier while Adrienne was feeding him, she had to stop cuz he was laughing so much. Then she laughed. Then he laughed. It was a beautiful, Olympic like moment.

March 

- Daily Poop Log: 3/3 9:13 am. In the ongoing and now epic battle in poop and onesie vs. daddy, score one for poop and onsie. The running score is now P/O 12, daddy 0. In the middle of eating and while watching our favorite show--Walker Texas Ranger, Jamison unleashed. I'm beginning to believe he has two rectums given the coverage his poop has. Up the back, under the arm, just all over.

- Part 2: As I struggled with a onesie that had a death grip on his soft body, he pooped again. I caught it with a wipe (quite an athletic move I must say) and quickly got the bath water started. Into the tub he went, where we cleaned him up from head to toe

-Part 3: As I lay him on his towel and turned away so as to have my son not see his father weep at taking yet another "L" in this epic battle, my attention was drawn to a seemingly new fountain in our bathroom. If only I had a penny with which to make a wish. He peed, he laughed. I peed, I cried. Oh the carnage. The oneise, his body, the towel, his pad cover, my memories. Poop, I curse thee.

- The epilogue: Poop is to me what Walker is to injustice, an invincible force that wins every time

- Proud dad moment--Jamison fell asleep in his high chair. Now I really now that he is my son. Somewhere my boys Michael Carter and Aaron Kinchen are smiling. Chubbsters unite, Jamison is the chosen one. Our next step, a trip to the buffet bar at the Golden Corral (hey Bowie State!). I'll bring my special Sport and a blanket and pillow for the little guy.

- So Jamison and I went to the park and I figured we'd be adventurous and walk around this lake. Didn't know it was the Howard County equivalent of Lake Michigan. Halfway around Jamison was dragging me while he worked some Fred Flintstone like magic with his stroller. By the end, we both laid there while geese pecked at our motionless bodies.

April

- With the 1st pick in the 2009 baby draft, Jonathan & Adrienne select..Jamison Maxwell England. A chubby little dude w/ good strength & a healthy curiosity, his ability to poop in such a way as to ruin a onesie coupled w/ a charming, bubbly personality & killer smile make him a solid prospect for stardom. Good choice here. No chance they trade him to the Ravens for two pairs of purple socks and Flacco. He's a keeper!

- So my wife bought Jamison what we call "short pants" and then we she put them on, they looked like some of the spandex the old dudes wear at the gym (complete with that "I'm wearing a 'Depends' underneath my clothes look). The sad thing--they were 9 months size clothes. The good news: his new size 12 months clothes fit better. The bad news--he just turned 4 Months old! Slow your roll boy.

May

-Jamison ate his first "real" meal today! Some rice cereal. Pictures and video coming soon. After he was done, he burped, said that was some good stuff, and asked me to take him to Popeyes.

- Jamison is in a state of bliss....8 back to back episodes of Walker, Texas Rangers then an afternoon Nationals game. I asked if he wanted to go to the mall and scope some little honies, he said, "daddy, its Walker. The girls can wait." The father-son bond grows stronger by the day.

- Jamison will let you hang out with him for $3.28 per hour. Or a 4 nugget meal from Chic-Fil-A. Serious inquiries only

- Its been a while since a milestone event in the battle of poop vs. daddy..but people, today, the war escalated big time. I'm talking Defcon 4 (not even sure what it means, but I've seen it in movies like "War Games"). The boy had sweet potatoes last night...and they unleashed their vengeance this morning. I was totally unprepared for this attack.

Jamison and Facebook--a Year's Worth of Status Updates: December/January

One of the two joys of parenthood lie both in enjoying the present and remembering the past. Jamison had a great first birthday, complete with lunch at Chipotle, his first hair cut, sitting on the lap of Santa (who he looked at like I look at PG County Police...with a certain degree of mistrust), a cupcake AND ice cream cake. Enjoying his special day with him made me think about his young life...much of which I commented about on Facebook. So, today, I shall share random post from the last 12 months of his life, starting with his 1st.
Note: I'll do two months at a time but I'm also about to get this party started: look for blogs this week about Cam Newton and the NCAA; Sarah Palin and African-Americans and the Recession. Thanks for Reading!

December, 2009:

• Breaking News: For unto us a child is born, for unto us a son is given, and his name shall be called Jamison Maxwell England. Adrienne and I were blessed with his presence beginning at 12:33 pm on December 1, 2009. Thanks to everyone for their prayers and to my beautiful wife for being the perfect vessel to carry and deliver an angel :)
• Baby thought of the day--what is on your mind when you are 1 day old??? "Please pray for me" thought of the day--Jmax (who was almost named JonQwan), is to be circumsized today....we (him and I) ask for a moment of silence and two cups of ice. Group Hug
• Last night was Jamison's first at home.. Jamison 1 Parents 0 Nobody warned me that babies have IHOP hours...he whipped our butt! I knew I have should have been hanging late night at the club in preparation for this.
• Changed my first poopy diaper..by myself! Baby 2, Parents 0
• Check this out. Wife went shopping. Jamison and me chillin. He poops. It was the biggest disaster since the 2000 Presidential Election. And getting him out of his onesie to clean him up was the diaper changing equivalent of Mission Impossible. He cried. I cried. We cried. Together.

• Spent some alone time with my little guy today...he ate, he pooped, I threw up, I cleaned. Then he fell asleep on my chest...if that wasn't was of my life's most beautiful moments, then surely I don't know what beauty is.
• So tired. Dog tired. And believe it or not, its not the little guy..its work (grading, writing, eating). Speaking of the little guy...he has the strength of an elephant, the dexterity of a spider monkey and the quickness of a baby gnat. Together, it is quite difficult to change his diaper
• More daddy son time today..and here's what I learned--he has a water cannon in his pocket! Yes, in changing his diaper, I got sprayed, he got sprayed, we got sprayed--together. We both cried, cleaned ourselves up and waited for mommy to help us. Trust me, its better to be p'D off (and I don't like to live angry!) than p'd on!
• A True Christmas Miracle: So on my Jamison duty (which usually runs from 2AM-10AM) we watched (ok he was sleeping, like most folk who ever watched this show) 3 Christmas episodes of WALKER TEXAS RANGER (a cool show!) and on the last episode, this pregnant lady got in a car accident and went into labor. Of course, Walker delivered the baby, but it wasn't breathing. As soon as Walker said that, Jamison let out a 3 second cry, then Walker healed the baby and said "he's breathing"..and Jamison went back to sleep! I can only hope that Jamison continues to display Walker like powers throughout his life :). This is a true story!

• After my latest diaper changing experience, complete with a changing of not only the much hated onsie but also the ....I don't know what to call it, its like a pajama thingie with feet in them (God I miss those!) I had the following thought: as a boy, I wish i played with dolls so that I could not have such a difficult time changing my little guy. More affirmation that yes, I was a disadvantaged child. Thanks mom!

January

• Baby updates: 1) he finally peed on mommy! Somehow I feel vindicated. 2) today he took his first sh$T....everything before today was a gentle poop, a bowel movement, intestinal cleansing,,,,but today at 3:32, he entered the world of adulthood. My birthday is coming up, someone please give me a Hazmat Suit.
• Jamison received his first exposure to James Bond this morning (recommended in the "Daddy Manual" pg. 72). He actually looked at the screen for a few minutes. Then turned to me and said "England, Jamison England."
• Jamison had his 1st trip to the library for story time. Some observations: little kids are cool but its amazing that one day, they grow up to have problems, make stupid statements, treat each other poorly, etc. What happens to us? Secondly, story time is not parent friendly--I had to sit on the floor and pulled three muscles (ok, not muscles cuz I don't have them, but some part of my body) getting up.
• My battle with onesies and poop continues. Today the little guy whipped out the special artillery. It was ugly. Evidently I didn't properly secure his diaper, so needless to say he has to change his entire outfit. In my battle with poop, I feel like the Redskins--I lose all the time. Damnit!
• Took the little guy to church for the first time yesterday. He slept through the loud, loud music, every so often bobbing his head to the beat. Then when it got quiet for offering he woke up (but didn't have no money!) Once the preaching started, he, like many in the crowd, went quickly to sleep. On a side note, he scoped out a few cute baby girls in the crowd, so he looks forward to going back. He now knows what I always knew--who needs to go to the club when there are high quality ladies at church (not that I'm looking any more!).
•  Baby Formula is Nasty! I feel so bad for feeding my son this stuff. On a whim and a "triple dog dare" (movie trivia--which film does it come from?), the wife and I took a sip of formula yesterday. Nasty is an understatement. Now I understand why he cries. Can't wait to take him to his first buffet!
• A day in the life of a daddy....woke up this morning, got daughter off to school, fed Jamison, sang with Jamison. We giggled and napped. Then we went to "Play Partners" at the library with Mommy. I wasn't the only man there this time! Watched an old lady dance rather seductively. Looked at all the little kids jumping around.

A Letter to Jamison on his first birthday

After debating numerous topics, ranging from the recession to Sarah Palin's criticism of Michelle Obama, and even pondering a Turkey Day "Appreciation" post, I decided to begin my blogging career with a topic near and dear to my heart--my one year old son Jamison. Today, December 1st is his birthday.  As I recount this past year--and yes Lord does time fly, many things pop to mind--so in honor of this year, I write a letter to the happiest little boy on earth.

Dear Jamison,
   One year ago today you entered this world, popping out the womb while your mother used words that would actually be allowed in a PG-13 film and I sat bravely (albeit behind the birth canal and in a corner chair) waiting to hear welcome you into this world . I'll never forget taking that first glimpse of you--covered in what appeared to be leftovers from an overly saucy pasta dish (or something to that effect), passing out and waking up 23 seconds later to see your hairy head, big eyes and tiny body. The look on your face reminded me of the faces I saw during the Health  Care debate--angry for no apparent reason. Yet unlike some of the folk I saw, you already appeared to actually have something on your mind. Ok politics can wait for the next post. Back to the lecture at hand....And your mother, my God she had never looked so beautiful as she smiled down at you.
   On the night you came home, I remember wanting to stamp you "return to sender." (But after doing some measurements, figured that it would impossible to put you back into mommy's belly).  MY GOD you cried, for good reason, you were cold, hungry, tired and even worse, some punk kid name Justin Beiber was all over our TV.  You kept us up all night, and I didn't sleep until after I took Ryann to school. My thought, "there is no way I can do this every day--it can't be like this everyday. And it has not been. Aside from my battles with your onesies and the ongoing (598 and counting) battle with poop (wagering tip--if ever Vegas lays odds and parent vs. poop--always bet on poop), you have been a true joy, always happy, always smiling. 
    As I think about this year and the trials (the few) and joys (the many) that Jamison Maxwell England has brought to my life, I am amazed that you, the baby, the son, have not only enhanced my already blessed life, but that indeed you the pupil have taught me the teacher two lessons that perhaps only having a baby could do. (Its amazing how God can use even the tiniest thing, or in this case, person, to teach us valuable lessons).  I share these lessons with you and hope that through me you will see how valuable they are.
   Lesson 1. 2:34 am, 3:52 am, 4:07 am; 5:52 am--all times that you woke up crying for a battle or a hug. Poop up your back, poop outside your diaper, poop on me, poop suspended in mid-air looking for a landing spot, here a poop there a poop everywhere a poop poop. Onesies that somehow looked like twosies, onesies that wouldn't come off, onesies that wouldn't go on, onesies covered in poop that wouldn't come off. Onesies that served as a destination for the poop suspended in mid-air.  96 consecutive days of watching "Your baby can read"--cat, dog, arms up, eyes, nose, clap, gorilla, elephant, reach, reaching, wave, waving, arms, arms down, eyes, mouth, hi, baby, tiger, toes, and two other words that I have tried to remove from my mental rolodex. Ah, the joys of parenthood. Yet, there has never been a moment, not for a nanosecond, where I yelled out why God have you forsaken me? Or wished for a day without poop, a onesie or hearing Graham say "hi."  By no means I am superdad, and yes, I have had my moments of despair. But here''s the deal little guy--love always wins. As you go through life and deal with the seemingly insane people, the stresses of living in this money hungry, self-centered  world often void of kind words and deeds and overpopulated with people lacking any sense, know that love will sustain you. God knows its the only thing that have helped me survive the poop, the onesies and the random patterns of sleep. Even poop can't beat love. Love for God, love for family and friends, love for others, and love for yourself--I hope and pray that as you go through this journey we call life, love will always be present in your heart.
   Lesson 2: Don't worry be happy. Recession. Depression. Oppression. Suppression. Repression, everything but impression. We got a Congress that can't, check that--won't, work together in spite of their constant declarations of how they "love" America (note: loving your country means working for the people who live in it), 10% unemployment, a culture defined by the jiggliness of Kim Kardashian's backside, the fake "reality" of reality shows, angry white men on TV and the radio, MeBron James and the "Decision" and we are supposed to always be afraid of something, I'm just not sure what. Maybe Bobby McFerrin was onto something--and you have already taken to his heart his words--Don't Worry, Be Happy. Thanks for greeting me with a smile and showing me all the really matters is the here and now and the loved ones we get to share our life with.  Keep smiling, daddy loves you. Enjoy your special day, don't cry at the barber shop, don't be too messy with your cake and keep on being you. 
Love you,
Daddy

Welcome

Greetings Earthlings (or Earthling--given that only one person will probably read this).  This is rather spontaneous so I have no official statement formalized quite yet, but I figure I always have something to say, and I'd like to think 23% of the time it actually makes sense or is at least entertaining. Hence, the creation of this blog, where I will post musings--mostly random--about any number of topics that come to mind, including but not limited to politics, sports, culture, parenting, life observations, and especially focusing on the actions of what many of you know are my favorite group of people--bamas!

Everything said here is said out of love and respect for all my fellow inhabitants of this planet God graced us with, so don't take it personal. I, unlike our elected officials, welcome discussion and debate. Thanks for stopping by...was that 160 seconds?