Day 2: Release

Release--to free from imprisonment, to free from obligation, to free from one's grip

I don't have any particular events or people that have left me holding onto pain or bitterness. For this I am blessed. I often see or read about youth or adults who are traumatized by the fact that they were given up for adoption, and I certainly can understand that, particularly when you find our on your 18th birthday.  Thankfully, I was told at a very early age so I never felt like my life was a lie. I also realized long ago that rather than being rejected by a woman not ready to love me the way I needed or deserved that I was blessed to be accepted by people who chose to love me. So neither my adoption, my past loves, nor mean kids on the playground (remind me to comment on this bullying phenomenon one day soon) have scarred my soul--but I am pained by 9 months in Baltimore. See, we all have carry hardships and burdens.

Practical Application: My "release" moment has more to do with forgiving myself. Regrets, missed opportunities, goals that I have failed to meet weigh me down at times, and now that I'm married, with children, I find them particularly painful because now my inability to let go, to move forward affects people I love dearly. The solution: tonight I read some scriptures, including Psalms 55:22, dealing with regret, repentance and letting go, then took a moment to pray, turning over the two things in particular that burden me.  The simple act of acknowledging those issues, which are always with me, simply proclaiming that they no longer have power over me and asking for help has been refreshing. In order to be free to move on, we must be released from the psychological shackles, whether self imposed or put on by others, that bind us.

As Kirk Franklin says:
Gone, gone, it's gone, all gone
(It's all gone, every sadness)
Gone, gone, it's gone, all gone
(Every mistake, every failure, it's all gone)
Gone, gone, it's gone, all gone
(Depression, gone, bad faith, it's gone)
Gone, gone, it's gone, all gone
(Low self-esteem, Hallelujah, it's gone, it's all gone)

Gone, gone, it's gone, all gone
(It's gone, all my scars, all my pain)
Gone, gone, it's gone, all gone
(It's in the past, it's yesterday, it's all gone, ah)
Gone, gone, it's gone, all gone
(Gone, what you mother did, what your father did, Hallelujah)
Gone, gone, it's gone, all gone
(It's gone)


Things I pray we can be released from:
1) Big Momma 3--Martin Lawrence is so tired..and if Big Momma releases her bra, we all in trouble. Mammies in 2011? Seriously, Hollywood please release us from the pain of watching retread movies and also from paying an extra $4 to see a bullet or a balloon or piranha apparently flying towards us. If I want 3D, I'll sit outside and watch life pass me by or just rock back and forth in my seat.
2) Politicians and sex scandals. In his desire to "release" this bama sent pics ala Brett Favre (speaking of release, we happily release your bama-butt to life, go be the boozin', womanizin', sextin', pill poppin', farce of a hero redneck self that you really are) to some woman on craigslist. Really? and now he Resigns....not a good "re" word. Thanks for representing your district with dignity.  Now you are released to life where you can surf the web and send more pictures. Put a shirt on.
3) the cold. Winter I pray that you release your GI Joe Kung Fu (ok, who knew these dudes had a song called Kung Fu grip---God please release us from teeny bopper boy bands, skinny jeans and haircuts that are long overdue) super death grip on Central Maryland.  Go to Alaska (right next to Russia) or hang out in Egypt for a minute so everyone can cool down and work on building a new regime.
4) Montel Williams and Money Mutual commercials while Jamison and I watch the Wiggles. Seriously, even Jamison asked me why in the name of Captain Feathersword is every other commercial about borrowing money so you can get your car fixed or celebrate Christmas and the other commercial is about eliminating debt. It doesn't take a baby to figure out thats ass-backwards thinking. He's so confused he put his diaper on wrong.
5) this blog. You are free to go!