Phylicia Barnes: life, liberty and the pursuit of justice

The tragic death of NC teenager Phylicia Barnes serves as a reminder of equally tragic realities concerning the status of people of color and their relationship to the criminal justice system. Per usual, the media was slow to get information about Ms. Barnes out to the public, instead I first heard about her case from a chain email forward by my father-in-law, who seemingly is always a man in the know when it comes to info that exists on the periphery of mainstream news cycles. While the non-coverage of missing Black women has sadly become almost second nature, there are other issues that surface from this case:

1) The brother found in the river was missing too and nobody seemed to notice. The details are still murky, for we don't know a) if his death is in any way related to that of Ms. Barnes (but I'm thinking two naked Black bodies floating in a river 40 miles northeast of Baltimore--in what typically is an area where Black folk are scarce--is not a coincidence) and b) how long he had been missing. Nevertheless, lets assume its more than 24 hours, so why did nobody ring the alarm that a grown man is missing. Surely someone missed him.
2) We are reminded, once again, that African-Americans are significantly more likely to be murdered than whites, particularly young men AND those murders are less likely to be solved (78% for whites, 64% for Blacks and Latinos).
3) African-Americans are more likely to be victims of crime, yet those who commit offense against Blacks are treated disparately than those who commit crimes against whites. For example, African-Americans are much more likely to receive the death penalty but especially if the victim is white.

And the list goes on. Day after day we lament the loss of  life in this country--be it a sick loved one, a soldier who sacrificed his or her life to protect our freedoms, a victim of a car accident or increasingly the case, the death of a young person at the hands of another or even their own hands. The tragedy of Ms. Barnes' death is like that of many other young folk--we will never know the promise that her future held, her family will never see her pass through various phases of life, never again see her smile, comfort her during moments of anxiety or simply be able to watch her live life. That alone should weigh heavily on our collective psyche.

Yet, as my thoughts drifted from prayers for her family, to prayers for justice, to thinking the unthinkable about my two children, part of me said "here we go again."  I've been saying for years something that I know in my heart that others know--that in 2011, in America, we continue to devalue the lives of some because of their race, their gender, their socioeconomic status and/or sexuality.  There is no denying this, and I've kept (mentally) a running list (albeit not comprehensive) of examples:

• the great attention paid to shootings in predominantly white and/or middle class communities, such as Columbine, when on a daily basis someone young, Black and male is also senselessly gunned down. Are the tears of their mama's no less real? How can we cry for some, but not all?  Columbine led to a call for gun control.  Why does it take the tragic death of 12 folks to get us thinking about gun violence when countless thousands before them had met their end at the end of a gun?
• DC in 1992: "And in the District of Columbia, Senator Richard Shelby (D-Ala.) proposed that the death penalty be enacted for the city by Congress after one of his aides was killed on Capitol Hill. Congress responded by cutting out the Mayor's $25 million youth and anti-crime initiative while imposing a referendum on the death penalty."  While the death of his aide was obviously tragic, DC was dubbed the murder capital of the nation in 1992, with 75.2 murders per 100,000 residents, for a total of 443 murders. From the beginning of Shelby's tenure (1978) to 1992, 4,110 people were killed in the District, the overwhelming majority Black men between the ages of 16 and 35.   Where's the moral outrage for those others gunned down on the streets of DC?  What did they do that their killers did not merit the same punishment of the man who killed Shelby's age? 
• every semester in my class we discuss the prison industrial complex and the impact of drug laws on the racial disparity in prison population. And every semester students report that, yes, there are drugs in the high schools they attended (especially the private schools) and brace yourself....on campus.  Why then do police raid inner city communities in sweeps of street level dealers and not hang out in college dorms arresting those who also violate our drug laws? Drugs are drugs, no matter who uses or sells them. 

Race and class have long had value in this nation. White privilege and class privilege have shaped not only opportunities and access to the many rights afforded by our nation, but perhaps, both more importantly and subtly, have worked to create a worthiness hierarchy. What's that formula? 1 White affluent white = 4 white women = 28 gay and lesbians = 43 young, poor, Black men = 245 Muslims, or something like that. Maybe its the legacy of slavery, where we as a nation marginalized, devalued and debased a class of people that made us numb to the callous denial of humanity, producing  an anesthetized state of being that made suffering and death--as long as it didn't effect someone we loved--a normal part of life. Whatever the cause, here we reside in a nation that champions itself on valuing life and its precious freedoms, whose best and brightest created this nation based on the notion that "that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness."  Guess what America, God weeps for us all, from Jon Benet Ramsey, to Natalee Holloway, and most certainly, for Phylicia Barnes. 

An open letter to Niger Innis

In response to this: http://video.foxnews.com/v/4641319/teachers-attend-white-privilege-conference-on-taxpayers-dime/#/v/4641319/teachers-attend-white-privilege-conference-on-taxpayers-dime/?playlist_id=87485

Mr. Innis,

I have always respected the work of CORE and men and women who like your father worked to ameliorate the existence of white privilege in this country.  Your performance on Fox News was a disgrace to that legacy. While you and the professor are rightly concerned about the state of education in this country, particularly as it relates to the Black community, your refusal to acknowledge the existence of white (class or gender) privilege leads me to believe that you too are part of the masses who have either been mis-educated (and I don't believe thats the case) or fail to understand that there is room for an ideology that embraces both personal responsibility and the persistence of inherent inequalities in present day America.

Your analysis was weak and your insistence that Asian-Americans are evidence that race/white privilege does not exist suggests that you think that the history of both in this country, and more importantly the history of America's treatment of both are similar.  Come on now.

Generations of African-Americans, those who formed the backbone of resistance and the leadership never eschewed the principle of personal responsibility even while they struggled against slavery, Jim Crow and the continued legacies of those institutions that play a (not THE) role in inequality today.  I respect your views and your ability to think as you wish, that is what America is about.  However in that same spirit I humbly submit that we have a responsibility to speak the truth and to speak directly to the issues and not engage in such a bombastic, misguided manner of speech that dialog cannot take place.

God bless,

Jonathan England

Reader (or maybe ReaderS!): If you feel so moved, hit up CORE at http://www.core-online.org/Features/contacts.htm or email Mr. Innis at rinnis@core-online.org

Days 5 and Day 6: Reclaim and Reconcile

Had a little hiatus..it was a crazy busy week, but alas, I maintained the principles of Jon-A-Fest, so here we go.

Day 5: Re-claim. To bring back to a preferable manner of living; to claim again.

I'm writing this a few days after the actual day, but alas, its funny how everything works out. As I sat on the couch in my man lair, surrounded by 7 hungry kids eating chicken nuggets and spilling ketchup on the floor, I overheard them talking about what they want to be when they grow up. Included in this mix: an athlete, a dancer, a comedian, a car washer and a chef. Quite the eclectic bunch, but alas, it got me to thinking about my dream.  

What happens to a dream deferred?Does it dry up
like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore--
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over--
like a syrupy sweet?Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.Or does it explode?

Practical Application: Dreams fall into one of three categories--realized, forsaken and deferred. As Langston Hughes so asks above, what happens to the dream that is deferred?  While he lists many possibilities, as I thought of reclaiming my dream on Day 5 of Jon-A-fest, my mind drifted to the numerous dreams and desires that permeated my thoughts over the years, one in particular. Seemingly taking forever to realize, I believe (or hope???) that this dream rests in the category--like my student loans--of deferment rather than forsaken.  Many dreams have been fleeting--being a backup singer in a go-go band, becoming the 5th Wiggle, appearing on Dancing with the Stars only to bring back the Disco era, dating and divorcing Jennifer Lopez--yet one sits on my soul like the old Oprah on a chair and it weighs me down. I watched The Shawshank Redemption--for the 23rd time--Tuesday night--and one phrase stuck with me--"get busy living, or get busy dying."   Thus on this day, not only did I reclaim my dream, I claimed the victory.

  

Day 6: Reconcile:  has many meanings, but I'm going with this one: to bring into agreement or harmony; make compatible or consistent

The general premise of the first 15 days of Jon-A-fest centers around the idea of self-awareness and self-discipline in an effort to move forward in a positive way. Day six's theme deals with one of the more important aspects, and in my view, overrated, aspects of life--our finances. Economic status reaches into so many areas of our lives--what we can and cannot possess, our self-esteem, our relationships and our ability to eat at fine establishments such as Long John Silver's.  The last few years in this nation's history suggests the saliency of financial health. So I asked myself--I am in Jillian Michaels shape, or do I need emergency surgery?

Practical Application: Simple. I took out the bills, looked at accounts--some with glee others with trepidation--and went over my excel spreadsheet that details the 978 bills and $12 currently in my bank account. Shoot, even Jamison has more money than me. Reconciliation requires dealing with the truth, regardless of how much it may hurt. The approximately 20 minutes or so spent reconciling our family finances--and its not like I don't stay on top of them--if you don't manage your finances frequently you may need to do more than reconcile (maybe you can holla at Montel)--reinforced my comfort with where we are at while also reaffirmed that in some areas there is work to do.  Taking action to reconcile proved worthwhile, now I know I can afford to spend a little more money on reclaiming one of my long forgotten dreams!

Days 4: Repent

Day 4: Repent-to feel sorry, self-reproachful, or contrite for past conduct; to feel such sorrow for sin or fault as to be disposed to change one's life for the better.

Lord knows I have sinned so I'm never gonna be one to throw stones, cuz my house and foundation are made of glass. What's interesting about the above definitions is the 2nd, for it implies that true repentance is not simply saying "hey, I'm sorry" but about taking action to make sure that we don't offend again, and again, and again. As I thought about this day, I vacillated as to whether to repent and to release were one and the same thing, before concluding that while they very well could be if a sin or offense that one sought to repent for also was such a burden that it needed to be released. If thats the case, then there is nothing wrong with repetition as we seek to cleanse our soul.  Given that I asked to be released from Justin Beiber and earlier today took his name is vain suggest I have some work to do.

The 7 Deadly Sins are frequently cited by religious folk and in various forms are mentioned throughout the Bible. Alex, give me all 7 for $1000.  Here we go, lets see how we fare.
1) Pride-- not guilty. I have no pride.
2) Envy--guilty. I'm jealous of many, including Justin Beiber
3) Gluttony--guilty. I have eaten at Golden Corral more than 212 times. Which leads to...
4) Lust--guilty. Have you seen some of the servers at the Golden Corral? I believe Tiger mistress #14 worked there. 
5) Anger. Not guilty. I am moderately liberal independent with Democratic leanings. In other words, I'm never angry. Does frustrated count as anger? I also heard that sarcasm was anger's cousin, if thats the case, I might have to change my plea.
6) Greed. Not guilty. I work at neither AIG, am not an entertainer or maker of 3D films, nor am I a member of Congress.  Plus, I drive a Saturn. Come on now.
7) Sloth. Guilty. I'm so lazy it took me 43 minutes to type s-l-o-t-h.  This is perhaps my greatest sin, and to be honest, is the one that is most difficult to overcome. Wow, now I need a nap.

Practical Application: Ask for forgiveness. Be mindful of the ways in which you stray from the path, be alert to the people and situations that help foster an environment conducive to sin, and understand the consequences of your thoughts and actions. Needless to say, Friday was a busy day, and I was so lazy I didn't confess my sin until Saturday. Lord help me.  On a side note, one thing that can help with a repetitive sin is to keep a journal--even mentally, that tracks that particular sin--when you do it, what is your attitude, etc. We can't repent if we have no intention of repeating that which we leads to our repentance.

Jon-A-Fest Day 3: Report

"Lost time is never found again." -Benjamin Franklin
"You may delay, but time will not."  -Benjamin Franklin
"We say we waste time, but that is impossible. We waste ourselves." -Alice Bloch (who???)
And my favorite...."time is what we want most, but...what we use worst." -William Penn

Word of the Day: Report. To take down in writing; to relate, as what has been learned by observation; to give or render a formal account of.

I'm a little late with this post, which is somewhat ironic given the purpose of Day 3--to report on how I use my time. For me, report follows nicely the themes of the previous two days--reflect and release--for reporting gives me a chance to investigate how I use natures most precious resource--time--to pursue the things that upon reflection I would like to improve on.

Like all 3 of you who read this, and no, this doesn't include my wife and 2 kids (who don't read this at all..on the positive side it gives me a chance to talk about them!), my life is full of obligations that seemingly take up all my time. Shall we list them: Husband, father, lecturer, coach, dissertation, dedicated watcher of television, and facebook. While I am fully aware of the concept (key word!) of time management, well...lets just say application has always been an issue. Now as I approach an unmentionable age, I found myself on Day 1 reflecting more on what I have not  done that the things (some of them good, methinks) that I have. This realization that I spend more time bemoaning wasted moments that enjoying the precious ones motivated todays task: to report.

Practical Application: Observe and Report was a silly movie, as most Seth Rogen films tend to be. (Side note: he is better as part of an ensemble cast, he cannot carry a movie by himself. Also, the Green Hornet was absurdly bad but I know that before I bought the ticket. Big dummy).  Starting today (Day 3) and continuing through Day 7 I will observe and report on how I spend my time. So I have grabbed a journal and a pen and put plan to action.

You cannot maximize time until you first now how you misuse it. Here's how my day went today:

6:52--Woke up, changed a diaper (not mine). Gave Jamison a bottle and watched the Wiggles and Handy Manny until 8:30.    Assessment: time well spent, I learned a new song and how to fix a freezer.
8:30-8:52--brushed tooth and showered. Assessment: potential waste of time--if the French don't bathe but once a month, maybe they are onto something
9:21-10:15--commute to work interrupted by free breakfast at Chic-Fil-A.  Assessment: As many of you in the DC area know, commuting takes up a lot of time and increases the level of "wasted" hours. But hey, I got free Chic-Fil-A. Assessment: Time well spent!

11:00-4:20--Three classes and a trip across campus to the student union. I did spend 7 minutes staring at what appeared to be a bi-racial squirrel.   Assessment: work, a necessity that requires time. Thus, while we may want to be doing something else, its time well spent.

5:24-7:30--Commute home followed by watching Ryann practice for an hour and 15 minutes. I sat and watched and talked with another dad. Decent convo. Assessment: Mixed bag--anytime spent with your child is a good use of time, but I could have read something or ran laps around the basketball court instead of sitting on me arse.

8:00-9:00--Watched American Idol (note: one of many useless shows on American TV: can we count them please? Lets start with MTV and its cast of reality shows. Maury. Oprah. Sportscenter. Lifetime Movie Network. Infomercials. CSPAN....help me out) with Ryann. Assessment: Complete waste of time...on the surface. But the moments spent sharing a laugh with my daughter, priceless. Little bits of time are major investments in relationships.

Breaking News: Nickolodeon Jr. is celebrating Black History Month. Sadly, this is the first attempt to celebrate BHM I have seen on any media outlet. And its NICK JR!!!!!

10:24--11:06--writing this blog post and cruising the net. Assessment: complete waste of time!

Day 1 Conclusion: For the most part, time well spent. There are a few moments during the day when I can do better.  Gotta get moving, time's a wastin!

Day 2: Release

Release--to free from imprisonment, to free from obligation, to free from one's grip

I don't have any particular events or people that have left me holding onto pain or bitterness. For this I am blessed. I often see or read about youth or adults who are traumatized by the fact that they were given up for adoption, and I certainly can understand that, particularly when you find our on your 18th birthday.  Thankfully, I was told at a very early age so I never felt like my life was a lie. I also realized long ago that rather than being rejected by a woman not ready to love me the way I needed or deserved that I was blessed to be accepted by people who chose to love me. So neither my adoption, my past loves, nor mean kids on the playground (remind me to comment on this bullying phenomenon one day soon) have scarred my soul--but I am pained by 9 months in Baltimore. See, we all have carry hardships and burdens.

Practical Application: My "release" moment has more to do with forgiving myself. Regrets, missed opportunities, goals that I have failed to meet weigh me down at times, and now that I'm married, with children, I find them particularly painful because now my inability to let go, to move forward affects people I love dearly. The solution: tonight I read some scriptures, including Psalms 55:22, dealing with regret, repentance and letting go, then took a moment to pray, turning over the two things in particular that burden me.  The simple act of acknowledging those issues, which are always with me, simply proclaiming that they no longer have power over me and asking for help has been refreshing. In order to be free to move on, we must be released from the psychological shackles, whether self imposed or put on by others, that bind us.

As Kirk Franklin says:
Gone, gone, it's gone, all gone
(It's all gone, every sadness)
Gone, gone, it's gone, all gone
(Every mistake, every failure, it's all gone)
Gone, gone, it's gone, all gone
(Depression, gone, bad faith, it's gone)
Gone, gone, it's gone, all gone
(Low self-esteem, Hallelujah, it's gone, it's all gone)

Gone, gone, it's gone, all gone
(It's gone, all my scars, all my pain)
Gone, gone, it's gone, all gone
(It's in the past, it's yesterday, it's all gone, ah)
Gone, gone, it's gone, all gone
(Gone, what you mother did, what your father did, Hallelujah)
Gone, gone, it's gone, all gone
(It's gone)


Things I pray we can be released from:
1) Big Momma 3--Martin Lawrence is so tired..and if Big Momma releases her bra, we all in trouble. Mammies in 2011? Seriously, Hollywood please release us from the pain of watching retread movies and also from paying an extra $4 to see a bullet or a balloon or piranha apparently flying towards us. If I want 3D, I'll sit outside and watch life pass me by or just rock back and forth in my seat.
2) Politicians and sex scandals. In his desire to "release" this bama sent pics ala Brett Favre (speaking of release, we happily release your bama-butt to life, go be the boozin', womanizin', sextin', pill poppin', farce of a hero redneck self that you really are) to some woman on craigslist. Really? and now he Resigns....not a good "re" word. Thanks for representing your district with dignity.  Now you are released to life where you can surf the web and send more pictures. Put a shirt on.
3) the cold. Winter I pray that you release your GI Joe Kung Fu (ok, who knew these dudes had a song called Kung Fu grip---God please release us from teeny bopper boy bands, skinny jeans and haircuts that are long overdue) super death grip on Central Maryland.  Go to Alaska (right next to Russia) or hang out in Egypt for a minute so everyone can cool down and work on building a new regime.
4) Montel Williams and Money Mutual commercials while Jamison and I watch the Wiggles. Seriously, even Jamison asked me why in the name of Captain Feathersword is every other commercial about borrowing money so you can get your car fixed or celebrate Christmas and the other commercial is about eliminating debt. It doesn't take a baby to figure out thats ass-backwards thinking. He's so confused he put his diaper on wrong.
5) this blog. You are free to go!

Jon-A-Fest 2011

There's an old Gospel song that repeats the following line, oh, about 92 times in 7 minutes and 43 seconds: "He's an on time God, oh yes He is"....As I sat in church Sunday, two days away from beginning this year's much anticipated Jon-A-Fest, our pastor Dr. David Anderson started the service out with a question that will serve as the foundation for this year's Jon-A-Fest: If you could be the best you, what kind of you would you be? He followed by laying out 6 signs that your relationship with God is on point.....to which I hung my head and shouted  "get your hand out of my pocket" (side note: at some churches, I have literally had someone's hand in my pocket during offering time but in this case I mean figuratively).  My favorite of these signs: "a fruit bearing life"...I don't bear much fruit, but I do eat an occasional orange, does that count? My scurvy inducing diet aside, this sermon motivated me to be more dedicated than ever not just to Jon-A-Fest, but to realizing my dreams and maximizing the talents and blessings God has bestowed upon me. Unlike Christina "How did you like my Star Spangled Banner remix" Aguilera's I am going to make the most of this opportunity. (PS: I'm sure Rush or Sarah or some other anti-immigration supporter has made the connection--or maybe not!--between "Aguilera" and the inability to sing our national anthem!)

The Jon-A-Fest Premise: Birthdays are a celebration of our entrance into this world and the beauties that God has bestowed upon it.  Too often they are opportunities to engage in narcissistic and hedonistic moments that focus on us—when in fact our special day really is about the relationships we have with God, with our loved ones and ourselves. Jon-A-Fest recognizes the shared nature of our lives and while certainly appreciating the special occasion, challenges us to look beyond the cake and gifts.  This time period offers a chance for reflection, rehabilitation and renewal.  Jon-A-fest is a celebration of life and the human struggle to make the most of it.  Note: Clearly, if you become a disciple of Jon-A-Fest, you will include your own name in the ____-A-Fest part :). 

Today's Action: Reflect-to ponder. Reflect on, to be borrow from Forrest Gump, "where you going, and where you been."

In between 3 classes, including my infamous lecture on religion and the stories about my visits to the 2 types of American churches--quiet and loud and coming home to watch "Places in the Heart" with my family, i took time to ponder that age old question--who am I? Not just the biographical info such a question entails--I know I am Jonathan W England, bastard son of a teenage mother who to this day does not know the identity of his father, adopted son of Charles and Judy, two of the best parents in the world, born in Heaven aka Wahiawa Hawaii on the island of Oahu, proud husband of Adrienne and father to two angels in Ryann and Jamison. But who I am really?  Am I bearing fruit? How are my relationships? Where does my career stand? Am I following the urging of JFK? Am I living a life that is pleasing to God?  Needless to say, before you can begin to work on anything, you must first reflect on the status before you can move forward.

Key areas of reflection include: 

Health

Finances

Service

Goals

Missed Opportunities

Faith (Reaffirm)

Relationships (with self, loved ones, God, community)

Happy 1st day of Jon-A-Fest!

Note: Each day's word/action will start with the prefix "re" meaning backward or again, anew from the Latin (see, 4 years of Latin in High School paid off, finally!).  Re fits nicely with the Jon-A-Fest idea of looking inward to move forward, and there are literally hundreds of relevant words that begin with "re-", but here's a few you won't see: re-nege (i only hear this used in spades...but why when you mess up in spades do you have to use this word??? Me smells a conspiracy), resign (not quitting!), recede (cuz my hairline is), retard (Im not trying to slow anyone down), or repeal (cuz I think the Health Care Legislation is actually a good idea!).  

A Tribute to Martin Luther King and the Power of Love

On this the 25th Anniversary of the national celebration of Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., it strikes me that in the myriad discussions and analyses of King, his life and the manifestations of his efforts, that we overlook an obvious question--why did he do what he did?  A simple answer lies in the environment of segregation and second class citizenship in which he came of age.  While that clearly had an influence on King, methinks that there had to be something else, for there are many people across the human experience, including contemporaries of King, who find themselves in the midst of an unfair or unfortunate situation. So what made the good Reverend different? A simple word--L-O-V-E.

The presence of love operates on three levels--love for self, others and God. Now how you measure love I do not know, but it seems that inside King's soul lied a greater capacity for love than many possess, or maybe he just made the most out of the love he had.  At any rate, it is his love for self that motivated him to make the most of his God given talents and to pursue his dreams and goals in a manner that demanded his best and one which lit the fire that ignited his passion and drive.  His love for others is made clear in his willingness to pursue     justice.  Similarly, especially when one reads his "Letter from a Birmingham Jail" we see that his pursuit of justice--which essentially is simply about doing the right thing (not according to man's standards but God's) is rooted in his love for God and respect for the expectations HE holds of us.

I choose to remember Dr. King as a divine servant. It is from the wellspring of love that service emanates. After all, what is love if it is not sacrifice? And the root of serving others is sacrifice and submission. The example Dr. King sets for us, whether as activists, as Christians (who are required by Christ to serve), as humans, and particularly as a man, renders his birth a day worth celebrating.  A quick note about King's manhood--it strikes me today that in a culture that often creates a deficient yet sadly rigid definition of what it means to be a man, King might be viewed as a punk, as soft, two words every man cringes if labeled. He didn't have swag, he eschewed material goods and big paychecks, and though he had a secret affinity for ladies, gave no indication that his legacy or identity was defined by his sexual prowess. Yet interestingly, the level of respect held for this soft dude is at an all-time high, and what do men crave more than anything? Respect--so maybe he was that guy after all.

Dr. King, as a man, a leader, an activist, a human, a Christian, embodies the very essence of how we who aspire to make a difference ought to pattern our thoughts and actions. Ephesisans 4:1-3 lays out for all of us what God expects:

I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. ² Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. ³ Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.


Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., you truly answered God's call. Thank you for demonstrating how one of the easiest things for people to exercise--love--is in and of itself a powerful force for making this world a better place.  

Fearless predictions for 2011

I delayed this a few days due to the tragedy in Tuscon, didn't want my attempt at political humor to be viewed as  insensitive in this time of mourning. Again, lets remember that everyday in this country, someone mourns.  Jamison and Adrienne were sick as well, then they passed it along to yours truly. Sooooooooooooo without further ado:

January 12:  In honor of the one year anniversary of the earthquake in Haiti, Americans take to time officially acknowledge that we have forgotten.

January 31: Time Magazine gives person of the year for 2010 award to Nancy Pelosi. Keith Olbermann smells a conservative conspiracy at play and gets into argument with the little man who sits on his shoulder. His show is cancelled. Democrats rejoice.

February 10: A little over a week into a seemingly non-existent Black History Month, Rush Limbaugh announces that since Blacks are lazy and responsible for the deplorable state of our nation, they no longer deserve neither a history nor a month to honor it.  Sarah Palin, agrees, saying that "there are no Black people in Alaska, but those Black bears, man they are dangerous. Then again, so are Black men, even Black men who are 1/2 Black, 1/2 white and 1/2 Muslim. Thats ok though, gonna refudiate them and keep them in my crosshairs."

-When asked about their programming plans for the month, of which there appear to be none, ESPN says, "I thought our 3 part series on MLK Day counted"....but hey, "we'd be happy to carry Michael Vick's execution."

February 14: Due to the recession, American men only spend $9.7 billion on flowers and candy.  The next day, the Khardashian sisters lead a march on Hollywood to protest this sharp decline. Along the way, they stop at Disneyland, never to be seen or heard from again.

February 15: Black athletes across America wear Black and get RIP Babygirl tats to mourn the loss of Kim.

February 16: Black athletes, having regained their senses, refuse to appear on ESPN, who in turn shifts all programming to curling and ice skating. OJ Simpson returns to the air waves as a new host on Sportscenter.

March 9: Filming for "Dinner with Schmucks 2" begins. Congress takes a three month recess to carry out their parts in the film.

April 15: In a sign of protest, Tea Party loyalists board a ship in Boston Harbor and sail back to the place their ancestors immigrated from.  With the state of Arizona now vacated by this sudden exodus of 98% of its non-Latino population, Mexico quickly reclaims the land that once belonged to it. It grants clemency to former Americans living in Arizona, giving them health care benefits.  John McCain immediately announces his candidacy for President of the United States of....Mexico in order to stop the spread of socialism. Joe the Plumber, who now goes by the title Joe the Higher Education Lobbyist, once again asks what socialism means.

May 20: In an act of "true patriotism" the quitter who used to be governor of Alaska officially declares that she and four other Alaskans are seceding from the United States of America and joining Russia. Her logic: If you can see em, join em.  When queried as to why she picked May 20th, the day North Carolina seceded (and nearly 6 months after SOUTH Carolina did so), she responds: oops, I meant South. She adds that Carolina blue is also such a pretty color.

June 12: On Russia's day of Independence, Sarah Palin appears on Public Access television interviewed by Jim Gray. Its "Decision Day: 2012." Here's the transcript"
Gray: Are you ready to go Sarah? Where is the Powder?"
Palin: I went potty before I sat down but the powder room is down the hall, ya' know.
Gray: How many people know about your decision?
Palin: Do bears count? All of em, any of em.
Gray: Who in this process, LeBron, i mean, Sarah, have you taken advice from and who has had the biggest influence?
Palin: OMG Lebron is so scary! Did you see that cover of...whats the magazine called? You know, I read em all. Anyshucks, I would say God but come on, God is no Todd.
Gray: You have everyone biting your nails. So I guess its time for them to stop chewing. The answer to the question that everybody wants to know: Sarah, what is your decision?
Palin: Since I no longer have the support in the RNC from my favorite negro Michael Steele, can I say negro on cable? Anywhoo, I am leaving the Republican party to run for President of the United States as a member of the Bull Moose Party. Grab your birth certificate Obama, I'm aiming, oops, can I say that? I'm aiming for you.

June 16: Returning from recess, Congress enters into debate about gun control. After a passionate plea from members of the Democratic Party championing the need to limit magazines to holding 29 bullets instead of 30, Republicans take to the floor and pull out their guns. Pelosi pulls out a butterknife. Barney Frank pulls out a dictionary. Debate over.

June 19: Man of the year announced on Father's Day: John Edwards, Elliot Spitzer, Mark Sanford and Tiger Woods split award. they celebrate with mistresses at a Pancake House in Argentina.

July 4: On the steps of the Capitol, Rush Limbaugh and Rev. Al Sharpton announce both their marriage and candidacy for the White House on a joint ticket. Please send percocet or Dark n Lovely in lieu of flowers. With neither preferring men, their marriage is one of convenience as they hope to become the first spouses to share the White House. While on their honeymoon/first campaign stop, they appear on Dr. Phil where Rush reveals that he doubts Al will vote for him well, because Black people only vote for other Blacks.

July 30: Barack Obama seen in SE DC carry out.  He is seen on videotape carrying the following:  "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows, Part 2" VHS tape; a Chuck Brown CD; 2 FUBU  sweatsuits, 3 orders of fried rice, a DVD titled "BabyGirl and the Seven Drawfs: the Journey to Space Mountain" and what appears to be a birth certificate.

August: NFL Lockout continues. Americans suffer from withdrawal. Staring at their televisions--somehow all tuned into BSN--a new news channel covering the 2012 election cycle, Americans are comatose and spend the entire month in mourning.

September 11: On the 10th Anniversary of 9/11, another great American disaster occurs--there is no NFL on what would have been opening weekend. Obama gives an impassioned speech at the new Ground Zero--Fed Ex Field and urges that we shall get past this, together. Candidates Palin and Limbaugh accuse Obama of grandstanding and neglecting the real important historical, and equally tragic event in the history of this day--the introduction of the Ford Pinto in 1970.

October 13: Nine months after the season premiere of some show on BET a slew of babies are born at hospitals in DC, Baltimore, Detroit, Atlanta, Charlotte, Houston, Philly and New York.  Most common male baby name: Derwin. Female name: Melanie.

November 22: On the Tuesday before Thanksgiving, Republicans and some punk ass Democrats more interested in staying in office than doing the right thing, join forces and implement a phase of the Pay-as-you-go policy ushered in earlier by the new Republican majority in the House which allows Congress to  cut taxes without cutting spending. Effective immediately no American will pay taxes. Ever!

November 23: After a wild night of tea parties and all night shopping, Americans wake up. All schools are closed. Hospitals and ambulances have gone quiet. Police officers are noticeably absent (well, depending on what neighborhood you live in, cuz for some, they are always absent). The military swiftly discharges all members, leaving thousands stranded in Afghanistan. And the sign on the highway urging us to report suspicious activity now reads "America is closed. Please call 1-800-Uon-Uown.  Calls to 1-800-432-TIPS reach an all time high of two, yet there is no answer. Happy Thanksgiving America.

December 26: A day after Christmas, doors to NFL stadiums still shuttered, Americans emerge from perhaps the most meaningful Christmas ever. Fathers once again are involved in their childrens lives and they pay attention to their wives. Church attendance is up. People visit the sick and the old. Kids can read again. Families have joined together to save schools. Doctors and the health industry are providing services to those in need and communities are policing their own neighborhoods.  In a hastily put together press conference, Bull Moose leader Sarah Palin and the Bull $hit Party duo of Limbaugh and Sharpton condemn this new America. Thankfully, Americans are too busy enjoying their friends and family and embracing the meaning of service to listen.